as good a time as any

My friend Juliette has this thing where she posts on facebook a picture of one thing per day, even if it's just a small thing, that made her a little bit happy that day. Even if the rest of the day sucked. I'm going to do that too, starting today.

Today I didn't take any pictures but there were many things that I can choose from. I'll choose this one: meeting the wonderful old man at the L&S dinner function, who told me stories of his life experiences. Together we bashed the education system and the healthcare system; he recommended me a book to read (Healing America: followed by many words after a semicolon, by T. R. Reid) that looks at our healthcare policy here in the US. He went to UW-Madison back when tuition was $275 a semester ( with the intent of going to medical school but in his last year at UW, he discovered a passion for American history, catalyzed by having one amazing professor, and crammed in a history major. Off he went to medical school for one semester, before realizing that really wasn't his calling and he changed to journalism, going to Berkeley for his MA in journalism. But it was the 60s then, and he was drafted into the navy for some time before finally returning to academics to do postdoctoral work at Stanford. He's definitely very retired now (he spends time in Hawaii too) but before he retired he worked for the Milwaukee Journal, traveling all over the world as a journalist. Also, he was a little bit deaf. But adorable, and as I looked at him I could almost see the shadow in his face of the young man he used to be--whenever I look at old people, I imagine them young and fit and still having the experiences that they're reminiscing about now, as if I can visually peel away layers of skin and layers of years to find what's still there at the core.

Okay I have to mention another thing, which has to do with the happiness of my tastebuds:  tender buttery beef, pureed potatoes and mushrooms in sweet wine sauce creme brulee in a spoon, tiny brownie & tiny fruit tart eeeeeeeeee i was so happy. Those were my happinesses for today, what were yours?

Habits and other things

Yesterday I ran out of floss. Today, after I brushed my teeth, I still automatically reached up into the medicine cabinet and tried to take out my trusty floss holder, then felt bewildered and just sort of off for not being able to floss. I'm not saying this because I'm some sort of floss freak, but because that made me realize the simple power of habits. And subsequently made me think about the power of subconscious habits, whether they're mental or physical. I think forming good habits is incredibly important. I think this makes me sound like everyone's mom. But there's merit to that! Floss. Run. Get shit done. Maybe more importantly, mental habits like not immediately writing people or things off, asking positive questions throughout the day, focusing on the proactive.

I feel like you have to dedicate yourself wholly to what's being prescribed (positivity) or run the risk of feeling "oh I failed at asking positive questions, it's so hard, I just want to sit and eat and wallow! Wallowallowalllow." Or maybe what i mean is, what's the difference between momentarily not being positive because it actually is hard to sustain, and being negative? Habits are hard to cultivate, too, without turning into a robot, or feeling prisoner to the obligation. There are definitely times where I just want to say, fuck it I am so tired why can't I just let myself fall into bed and go to sleep. But then I end up  in the bathroom flossing, grudgingly. At that point, maybe a truly advanced human being (I bet Siddhartha Gautma had excellent personal hygiene, or maybe he just would've been unnaturally clean bc he was enlightened and had transcended cavities) could say, "here is the habit and here is me flouting it this once, for the sake of the greater good of my body i.e. sleep." Maybe a truly advanced human being never feels obligated to perform habitual actions but instead does them willingly, joyfully. The snots. As I'm not a truly advanced human being yet or ever, I don't know if my habits (even good ones) rule me or I them. I don't have that many obvious habits, I don't think.

What's that Wisconsin law firm commercial? Habush, Habush, and Rottier. Habit, habit...

So yoga's actually quite difficult. For one thing, I never pay attention to the Sanskrit name of the asana we're doing, which means I'm usually lost until she says the English name or I sneak a look at my better attention paying classmates. And for another thing, the big thing, it requires a lot of energy/flexibility/strength. Downward facing dog my ass, downward facing all the blood in your body rushes to your head and it feels like it's going to explode more like it. I really don't like downward facing dog or mukshasnfjasasana or something like that. What I do like about yoga though is making a tree pose or warrior pose and I can pretend I'm rooted strongly to the ground while my arms point cleanly through the air. It feels like I'm drawing up power from the ground and my limbs are long magnets. But as I was telling Becca, I think I'd rather sleep in than become yogically enlightened.

It's weird because this semester, I don't really have enough classes to feel like I need to work. We got off Neuro 629 on Thursday for Obama, because Peter the professor feels "Seems to me that seeing a President is a pretty big deal (after all, we've only had 44 in our whole history!) and even tho it is a campaign, a President is special here..like him or not.  So, feel free to go without missing class." That pretty much sums up that class. Peter's the type to mutter dry comments to himself as he lectures, and though the material is ridonk, we don't even really have tests. My two neuro seminars are just interesting, interesting, interesting, o and pizza! There will be pizza on Thursday this week. Pizza and basically no work, just musing write-ups. That leaves ochem and ethics, one of which I've taken before and actually discover I like, and the other which I haven't gone to that much...ethically ambiguous.

Um. Tomorrow I have a busy day--class, class, lab, lunch with Albert if there's time, then off to St. Mary's to shadow. Slow Food Cafe is having breakfast this week!! Homemade nutella stuffed french toast was on the menu, so we're gonna go to that I think. Why is breakfast the savoriest meal of the day? I love potato latkes and potato anythings. I'm tired now bc I had yoga, biked back and forth six times, then went for a run. It was a perfect run. I can't use words to really explain the feeling, but it had to do with the cool air and the pure sky, faintly pink and faintly darkening as the sun set over Lake Wingra, the trees flaming different colors, the still waters reflecting sky and leaves and everything being so quiet. Quiet, and wide, and darkening. I love the repetitive sound of feet on gravel or ground, over and over, eating up distance like a patient monster. 

I think the only times I really feel peaceful & my head is quiet are when I'm outside doing something physical. It returns me to myself, to what is really important. It's like I afterwards, I stand on a mountain instead of overwhelmed in a valley where I can't even see the sky. I think I'd probably be depressed if I didn't have that, so I wonder, what do other people have? What are the serenity sources that other people have to draw upon and are they as constant, as renewable, as mine? 

RIP

my dearly beloved ipod,

this is a eulogy for you. in the event that you do not fix yourself, magically, as what happened to rachel's speakers much to the angry disbelief of our friend abi. if you, however, fix yourself you will not be greeted with angry disbelief or any negative emotion. instead you will be cradled in a postive psychological field of reinforcement and approval, to the sounds of my ecstatic "THANK YOU STEVE JOBS." but in fact, the Most Illustrious Jobs was not involved in your life or creation but probably i should be thanking Hua Luoyin the replaceable factory worker who brought you into being seven thousand miles away in a shitty plant in Shenzhen China.

oops. i'm sorry. that was a digression away from the positive emotions you should be experiencing. back on track now. dearest ipod (i named you vivaci, in a sophomoric fit of drama and musical appropriateness), you literally died by chocolate. it's a much spoken of dream, amongst us humans, to die by chocolate. in fact we have numerous desserts which capture our hopes of a passing as delicious as that, but no one that i know of has done so yet. you are the first; you are not a human but you are a pioneer! the first, the last, the best. no death by washing machine is good enough for you (followed by emergency resuscitation in rice), no final free fall from the depths of a safe pocket, no everyday act of god that is not covered by apple's warranty.

"it died in chocolate," i mournfully told my friend over internet chat.

"u tried to eat your ipod?" he replied. he knows me so well. indeed, i am that greedy. i poured chocolate over you and tried to eat you.

HELL NO. i would sooner eat my arm. probably because it's actually marginally edible, which brings me to the second thing i talk about much more than is normal, namely, cannibalism. but i digress again. you were just an innocent bystander to the deceptively non-threatening lindt truffle ball (irish cream--it wasn't even that good but it was going to be my lunch on the bus ride back from minnesota) which proceeded to explode itself all over my bag. i would make a horribly non-politically correct comparison to terrorist bombings but i am much too good for that. even the truffle isn't all to blame: i also blame OPEC for producing the oil that allowed me to go to minnesota in the first place. expect a lawsuit.

cherished electronic, we have been together for...um. hold up a sec. ah yes, five years, back when i was still a foolish youth entering the life changing and beautiful experience of high school. we flew to china together, dropped you and dented your left corner, did forensics, pumped up before tennis games, moved out, went to college, walked to class, tagged and tailed mice, met new people who became friends, made explosives and founded sigma aldrich. the last one i made up. if that were true i could buy a lot more of you and be like haha i broke one of my twenty three ipods. actually i can't remember what we really did together nor do i really feel all that much nostalgic emotion associated with your little silver body. i just know that i miss you like i'd miss my left nostril (when you need you really really need it otherwise you forget it's there).

otherwise, the apple store will fix you for a cool $129. you better fix yourself you little shit.

lovingly,
your Person Connie

I was working in the garden and saw this little guy: it's the tendril of a long bean plant that grew away from the main plant and managed to find a tiny, bug-made hole in our nearby rhubarb. The picture doesn't do it justice because the rhubarb is huge and the bean tendrils are so small. Such precision! How the hell did the runner find that small hole and grow into it? It couldn't have covered all the underside of the rhubarb leaf, it would've expended too much energy. There's something awe- inspiring about how such a seemingly delicate thing can unerringly find its way through the obstacles around it, ending up exactly where it needs to go. 

Every day has so much beauty and happiness if you notice it. But I think you have to actively notice it, call it out from the background of the mundane that it weaves its way into. Luckily, there are so many small riches you can find in the everyday that it makes the act of searching worthwhile, because then you have an inexhaustible supply of happiness. And it's one that belongs entirely to you, grounded in the interactions you have with the world, so it's reliable as well.

I love sitting here, listening to bird chirps and bug noises, looking out at the growing things.  I'm kind of going to miss living by myself at home when my family comes back from China. One thing I've learned more and more is that all things pass. Everything. What happened yesterday suddenly becomes something that happened two days ago, four days ago, a week, a month. To be honest, when I was in China I sometimes counted the days until I could come back to America--in the moments when even my heels hurt from the weight of my feet resting on them because the bed was so damn hard, when everyone was nagging like it was an Olympic sport and they were all going to win gold...of course, I didn't spend all my time thinking like that or even much of it but there were moments. And I'd be like, oh my god there's still x amount of days until I can get a good night's sleep again. But now, suddenly, I'm in America and it's been almost two weeks since I came back. Which just goes to show--why not enjoy some unique things of that stretch of time while you can? Even if it's not something you expected to enjoy, it'll probably never happen again. Even if it's something like the absence of someone, or silence, etc. Be happy!

Aaaaand here's a granola recipe, randomly. It's so easy to make and so tasty for snacking or pouring some kefir over it or eating with yogurt or eating as cereal or using as confetti haha no:

HEALTHY HIPPIE GRANOLA GREATNESS 

3-4 cups of grain. Oats will be the major grain, usually, but you can also include things like flax seed, rolled barley, other such edible grainy/seedy things. Using rolled oats will be better than using steel cut oats. 

Eyeball amount of nuts. I tend to use the kind that you can buy in bulk which has almonds, cashews, walnuts. You can add sunflower seeds, peanuts (if you are into that kind of thing, being, boringness), sesame seeds--go crazy, you're a granola making hipster now! If you want a rough measurement, anywhere from 1-2 cups. Chop up the larger nuts. You can also include accessories like shredded coconut. 

~1 tsp salt. If you used unsalted nuts, add some salt for taste.

Cinnamon. Eyeball, or apply liberally.

Roughly 3/4 cups of goo. You can use straight-up maple syrup (although this is very expensive, especially if you use actual pure maple syrup which I'd definitely recommend--Aunt Jemima should stay out of this) or make a mixture out of melted butter, brown sugar, honey, and/or some sort of vegetable oil. You can also add maple syrup to that for some maple taste. Just estimate how much of everything you'll need, the point is to create a sticky sauce that will clump together your grains. Oh, but you'll definitely use more oil and honey than melted butter, I only use about 1/2 stick.

Mix the grains, nuts, cinnamon & salt together, while making the goo in a saucepan. Once that's done, pour it over the dry stuff and mix in evenly. Spread the granola mix over a large baking pan. Bake at 325 degrees for anywhere from 15-35 minutes. Every ten minutes or so, use a spoon to turn the granola so the bottom layer doesn't get burnt. If you spread it out in a thin layer, it will only take 15 minutes but will require two batches. Once the granola is a golden brown color, remove from oven and let cool--the longer you let it cool, the crispier granola will be. 

Once cooled, mix in your favorite dried fruits and/or chocolate. 

Enjoy, too often probably.

Kelly is a tiger-sister

Hi Connie, this is an email reminding you to FOLD MY BLANKET when you get to the U.S. Please do so immedietly when you get back! (and don't chicken out if there are bugs! Please if possible send me a picture of my room too, if you have time. Oh and I would like you to check my phone, to see if Sally called back. If she did, please tell me what she said on the message, if there is one. Thanks! Heres a list to make it easier.

1. Fold My Blanket

2. Send Me Picture Of My Room

3. Check On Phone (It should be on my desk in the playroom or in my room) and tell me if Sally called and what she said in the message if there is one.

That's right, boss me around child (I folded her blanket)

old post that i wrote somewhere else

Yesterday, Scott and I walked down by the lake and sat on the steps for a little while. Not too far from us a guy was playing guitar, quite well I may add; two men stopped to listen and talked to him a little bit. Then, to my complete delight, Guitar Guy passed his guitar to one of the strangers who began to pick out what sounded like a piece that you’d normally play on a classical guitar. I felt unreasonably happy at the exchange. What are the odds that someone walking by can play guitar too? Or more pertinently, I was marveling at the fact that someone walking by could have hidden in them knowledge that connected you to them—in this case, the knowledge of guitar. People can be such props and extras in our lives. Just shift the frame and it’s a completely different story though: they walk by, you walk by, you run past them sitting at the union, they watch you go. You’re an extra in someone else’s story too.

Which is why I thought it was so cool that randomly, momentarily, people passed a guitar around, sat down, and played some music. I watched Neil deGrasse Tyson’s video about “The Most Astounding Fact” on youtube (set to music and sights of space that bludgeoned you over the head with the sheer gravity and size of his message) after he came to talk on campus (where in the world is…), and he says “that’s really what you want in life isn’t it—you want to feel connected.” Because suddenly, that person stopped being an extra. Suddenly, you made a connection. No matter how brief or how long.

Unique in each way you can see

Lately I've gotten into making things on your own, from things that you have. Or simple life hacks like turning all your hangars to face the opposite direction that they normally do, then as you wear an article of clothing, turn it the normal way. At the end of the year you'll see which clothes in your closet you actually wear and which are simply part of the "crap we accumulate," and get rid of them accordingly (donate/sell/store).  The internet is this amazing treasure trove of ideas if you can sift out the shit from the win.

Also, I'll admit it: I have a pinterest account and it is great. Like any tool it can be used for good (blackberry cheesecake in jars) or evil (Feminst Ryan Gosling). Actually, I tend to 6-degrees-of-connections my internet hopping, instead of browsing through pinterest itself. If there's a blog that's creative and catches my attention, I'll click through which ones it links to since as in real life, communities aggregate on the internet along lines of similarity.

So there's my statement of affection for crafty/diy/idea sharing blogs. Now let me get to the observation that made me want to write a post. If you ever click through these blogs you'll notice they're all written by the same person. She (invariably) has a fairly recent husband who wears a fedora/hipster glasses/stubble/a beard/A Beard; her blog layout is white and/or full of Artsy Photo Links plus curly script; it features Instagram/crazily expensive camera photos with lots of negative space and one artfully arranged succulent plant. She ends every post with xoxo/love. She shops at farmer's markets, likes j.crew and looks exactly the same whether or not she is blond/a redhead/resembles a monkey. It's like the internet coughed up a real life trope.

This is probably offensive to anyone who has a style or craft blog and yeah, no one's making me look at these blogs. I like them. On the whole. It's just that when I look at them it feels like a completely different part of my brain gets activated in contrast to what lights up when I'm enragedly shouting at thinking about politics, or studying for the mcat, or reading a scientific paper. I don't meant to say that one is > than the other but I think it highlights some points:

1) The rich get richer is a saying in neuroscience as well as economics, which describes how if you exercise a synapse you make it stronger. Using only certain "parts" of your brain and neglecting others surely leads to brain specialization. Specialization may be necessary for civilization but the thought of specialization in the brain is somewhat scary to me; after all, that's how we perceive the world, form connections, and seek out information.

1.5) Is anyone really a well-balanced individual or is that just some great myth College Board seeks to impose on our earth. 

2) How can people be so similar to each other? Why do we, when given 7 billion flavors of human, still choose to follow certain typsets, whether it's consciously or unconsciously? I'm sure I'm no exception. Does being a certain type of person predispose you to liking certain things/engaging in certain activities? It's kind of cool when you come across someone who seems to be one way but has a passion, or quirk, that seems to be completely out of their character. Here's to you quiet, insanely smart, well-read girl who fucking loves lamborghini. We're all snowflakes distinct among snowflakes!

3) Crafting seems to exist in a vaccuum. When the Wisconsin recall election was going on and the UN is being turned away from Syrian villages, the crafting world presents cardboard cameras, felted flower headbands, and "electronically knitted spam poetry." Sometimes I can't help but feel disgusted at how trivial it can seem...but the benefit of a doubt: when you're only asking for one thing, you'll only get that one thing, I guess.

4) Will this be the first era of the hipster grandpa and gradma. Since what else can married couples like the owners of this house turn into?

Since this is all so trivial in itself, here's a really interesting TED talk about happiness, self-worth, and vulnerability:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

and a scary article about how we are all going to become Winston circa 1984 thanks to the kinect.

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/06/microsoft-wants-to-serve-you-ads-based-on-what-you-do-in-your-living-room/258351/