Boundaries

This is a post about work. It's also a post about boundaries, mental and emotional ones for the most part. It's also a post about mental health.

I work in a pretty unique environment--a residential facility for youths suffering mental illnesses who need 24hr care. The first time that I came to my work campus I got a bit freaked out because the day was foggy, overcast, and out of the fog loomed this fenced in area with smaller gated, fenced in buildings scattered around it. All of the fences were at least 10 ft high; some of the fences went all the way up and connected at the top. 

(As a testament to the human ability to adapt however, arriving at work, opening the gate with my key and locking it behind me no longer even makes me bat an eye.)

We had to sign a veritable booklet of papers to work here so I don't want to identify it or say too much about it but suffice to say that inside, it's such a different world. Sometimes driving home I look around me and marvel at the people who are walking on the street without concern of them running into traffic, or talking on the corner but freely, without my needing to monitor their conversation so it doesn't stray too far into dangerous territory. That people can work with knives on their own at home, have plastic bags, use a straightener, clip their nails without supervision. That doors open freely and you don't need a walkie-talkie at your ear to hear what's going on. 

Boundaries become critical in a job like mine. Boundaries that prevent you from taking work home and prevent you from becoming friends with the kids you work with. Sometimes that's hard, at least for me, because I'm better at making friends than I am at being an authority figure. But you have to be an authority where I work--you have to round up people who won't listen to you and don't want to listen to you. That requires convincing yourself of having authority. 

There's such a fine line between being nurturing, kind, but also firm in limit-setting. In establishing good rapport but also establishing good boundaries. Honestly, I'm not quite there yet. Man though is this a place to get there. 

I try not to talk about work too much once I get home. Sometimes I can't help it; sometimes it all comes exploding out like a whale that has beached itself in a small town. I feel bad at those times for my patient boyfriend who listens to all of it without saying a word, though that experience must be somewhat akin to being sprayed directly in the face with freezing seawater after you've been enjoying the balmy weather of Miami all day. Sometimes I dream about the kids at my work. That's stressful. Most of the time though, I try to park my work somewhere along the road that takes me back into town. Maybe there, by the stoplight or at least here, once we've passed this hotel. I play music and sing along. It's all to slip out of the hat I wear at work, slip myself thoroughly out of it and stow it carefully (not forgotten or buried) in its proper place until I need to put it on again. I think that's how all of us who work there manage. 

Mental health divides; it divides the healthy and the unhealthy but it also divides those who give it a measure of merit and those who believe illness there to be an inferior illness. The latter is understandable! It's not very productive but the line between brain and biology, between self and body is blurry and has been blurry for a very long time. We're getting better at sharpening this boundary but people's perception tends to change slowly. It takes a lot of momentum to turn a big thing, whether that thing is society or the ideas and behaviors and beliefs instilled across a lifetime. Regardless, I think it all comes down to whether it's productive, whether what you believe and the actions you take actually make a difference. Isn't that the ultimate goal? 

In the end, I go there and do my best in situations that are scary, stressful, but slowly shaping me into being someone that I want to be. Then I come home and I let that all go. You can't carry the burden of other people if you don't take time to rest. I'm inspired by how brave a lot of the kids I work with are and by the very words of faith that I will say to them--it makes sense to feel that way, you are doing so well at holding back your anger, expressing your needs in a gentle manner, letting yourself be sad and vulnerable, giving great peer support, remaining positive throughout peer negativity, I am proud of you I am proud of you I am proud of you.